my life's theme

if you ever need to script my life to a song someday... let it be this.

Nail on the Head

Where in the world is Waldo?  {aka Julie}

Why are the pages of this blog left aching for words?

Whatever happened to the woman who loved to share her passion of writing,
 and the loves of her life?  in words and pictures?

I believe this fellow blogger hit the nail on the head with her recent post.

and this is what I needed to hear most today:

They will remember how you loved them, how you helped them, how you sacrificed to give them a good start.

And they will thank you. 

I am feeling torn in a million directions lately.
Missing my sons who seem to pass through in the night.
Longing to hear from my eldest one.
Over-scheduled.
Stressed out.
VolunTOLD into things I heard the voices in my head decline.
And the stress...  my body aches from it.
My waistline showing the evidence of poor eating choices again.

{heavy sigh}

Alas...
this too shall pass.

I will find a happy-medium again;
balance in the Libra scales.
The snow will melt.
The tulips will bloom.

The glimmer of hope on my weekend of barely seeing my boys?
They both said, without prompting, "I love you" when they hung up the phone after asking for unscheduled sleepovers Saturday evening.

well played, boys, well played.

I'll take it.

100 days

Have you heard of the latest craze... give it 100?  After previewing some of the projects out there, I decided to start one of my own.  Kinda fun to see what everyone else is doing too and share 10 seconds with the world each day.  They say it takes 21 days to develop a new habit and make it stick...  I'm shooting for 100 to make it stick.  I actually worked out every day this past week except for Thursday, where I had a luncheon scheduled that I needed to attend.  Having this website in the back of my mind before even signing up to post daily videos and I was on track again with exercise.  My goal is to find some form of exercise and even though I'm only sharing 10 seconds, to do it for 20-30 minutes each day.  It might be time to actually revisit those pins on my Fit-tastic! board and put some to good use!

I'm on Day 2.

Here's my site if you're IN and want to follow along.

I've already got ideas for the next two projects, just by viewing others.  You can have up to three going at a time and you can also extend the duration to a full year.

Give it a try!

love is a gift

Another year between us,
this one sweeter than the last.

Why, you ask? 

Because after JP's recent health scare,
his HEART is still beating,
his lungs still breathing,
and he's been given another chance...

to live
to love
to educate
and to share
all that he is
and all that I fell in love with...  17 years ago.

Dearest John Paul,

 

So thankful. 

So very blessed. 

To have found you, in this lifetime, to love.

 

Happy Anniversary!

xo

a day in MY life

How I started my day...

 

The sweetest little video all the way from Norway!
And I could watch it over and over and over again.  Melts my heart.

{more to follow}  off to enjoy my day...


While I gather my thoughts about another year, you can read more about me here.
 

healing update

This is what my face looked like on the day they took the 10 stitches out of my cheek.  Looks a little raw, yes?  The scar should fade with time and a little application of something called New Skin.  I'm hoping so!  It's not quite as evident looking straight on, however.

I am just thankful that I caught it in time.  Praying this was my only incidence of basal cell carcinoma.  Heck, I'm not even sure I can tell you what to look for or how I discovered it.  I've tried telling those who have asked me, but all I can say is that it was something out of the ordinary that wasn't there before that got me to seek the opinion of a professional.

Yes, I'm a believer in modern medicine.  I'm also very thankful for doctors who know what they're doing, and skilled plastic surgeons who promise to do their best job, every single time for every single person.

I am healing nicely.

wait, what?!

how could I have basal cell carcinoma?
isn't that cancer?

i don't sit in the sun.
i overheat and seek shade.
i wear spf.
i use an umbrella or wear a hat.

my grandmother had the most
beautiful
alabaster skin and
lived into her 90s,

my grandfather had many
many
health issues,
skin cancer being one of them.

are you sure?
i have basal cell carcinoma.

Earlier this year, I noticed a new spot on my face.  I don't wear make-up, so it's easy to identify any changes that stare back from the mirror.  I do not recall seeing this one.  I had a facial in May and asked her to slough it off.  She could not.  I then scheduled an appointment with the dermatologist - couldn't get in to see him, however, until early August.  So I waited.  And watched. Nothing changed, but it didn't get better or go away either.  Last fall I had also made an appointment with the dermatologist for a baseline body check.  I do not recall this spot prior to six months ago.

It didn't appear to be hormonal blood vessels, didn't change color when depressed.  He comments that I have a high tolerance for pain when he injects a numbing agent into my cheekbone.  Biopsy and a band-aid.  I'm done.

Two weeks later.  A phone call.  I have basal cell carcinoma. The good news?  It's not melanoma.  Still, it's skin cancer.  No biggie, right?  Gosh, I sure hope so. 

The clinic to which I've been referred calls me this morning.  They had a cancellation next Tuesday, did I want it?  I will be having Mohs Micrographic Surgery, with reconstruction the same day.  {thankful for health insurance}  I am not freaking out.  Just another chapter in my life, right? 

It may be time to remind the boys about skin cancer, however, as I educate them that there are different kinds.  They love the sunshine.  I mean LOVE the sunshine.  Who doesn't?  However, even the smartest, shadow-minded person can end up with skin cancer.  I just did.

my newest hat w/spf 50

And in case you haven't seen this dear 16-year old me video that has been circulating for quite some time, give it a moment of your time.  Share.  Educate.  It could save a life or change a {bad} habit.

dear 20 year old me {healing}

Dear 20 year old me,

When you were standing in the back of the church, dressed in white, holding your Daddy's arm and looking into a church filled with people...  that feeling in your gut wasn't butterflies, and the shaking and tears as you walked down the aisle spoke silently to your heart.  You knew it then, you knew it the moment you stepped foot into the limo that took you away to a life you had just childishly chosen.  Life would change from the dreams you had for yourself at 17.  When the fork in the road gave you a choice, yours was a difficult one.  You were young, and foolishly in love, or so you thought. 

The doubt in yourself never waned.  The feelings grew stronger, and the time to live with purpose, love & joy again tugged longingly at your heart.

You were stronger than you believed you could be.  Somehow, one day at a time, that glimmer of who you used to be...  who you COULD be again...  would come flooding back in waves that enveloped you so quickly, you could hardly catch your breath.  A new path was suddenly before you, and only five short years of heading in the wrong direction were enough to catapult you into your next journey.  It would not be an ordinary moment of awakening, but one to be relished with every fiber of your being.  You were free to live, once again, as if taking a breath for the very first time.

Now, twenty-five years later, some of the scars have healed, as the memories fade from that time you wish to erase from your life.  But do not forget, as much as you try, that good has come from that dark and stormy time in your life.  Strength once lost has been found again, and living for the moment is a choice you now make daily. 

You are transformed, happier, and wiser with each year that passes.  Embrace it.

love,
45 year old me

Mother's Day 2013

Had a wonderful day of celebration!  Not sure where the time went, but here's a short recap.

JP and I were up early and off to the Minneapolis Farmers Market - one of our favorite places to be on a Sunday morning in the summer.  We had to purchase a few more items for the straw bale gardening, and some herbs for breakfast.  It was very cold and eerily quiet there, so we didn't stay long.  We will head back to people watch another morning.

a little foam with your latte?

With his fresh herbs and recipes splayed out on the counter, I left JP home, full with a caffeine buzz, to get breakfast started.  He is in his glory & element when left to do as he wishes in the kitchen!

the beginnings of yummy goodness!

Met my parents at church to see Oliver's last musical performance in the youth choir at Calvary.  He is in the top row, far left by the white flag.  This was obviously one of his favorite songs of the program.

Happy to be done with youth musicals, can you tell?

Headed back home to a scrumptious brunch made by Chef John Paul.  Sausage & Asparagus strata and Blueberry Pecan Coffee Cake.  Bloody Mary's by Julie.

The rest of the day was just a perfect, lazy afternoon, with a photo session tossed in to commemorate the day, of course!

 

Oliver, Grandma, Grandpa, Henry

 

Nothing like lovin' from ma boys to make the day complete!

Do you have a favorite photo from the day to share?

A day to celebrate

Just a little humor to lighten the day for those of us in the administrative role. 

A year ago yesterday, I started a new job at a new company.  I was anxious and a little very melancholy.  I had left a position of 11 years, no friends to call my own beside me, all new coworkers, new boss, and not a soul I was working with knew it was Admin Professionals day.  This year, I am no longer alone (most are still clueless that there's a day to celebate me), but I have so much more to celebrate.  I've got a great network of new friends, many individuals to support and keep me busy, and a wonderful group of management who make it worth the effort to get out of bed and drive to work each and every day.

While I never anticipated this is where I would be 28 years after high school, I am thankful for all of the friends I have made throughout the years.  I maintain so many relationships from past employment; I would not be the woman I am today without their influence and continued friendship.  This type of position has allowed me the work/life balance I so desperately need/ed, it has afforded me the time to begin and finish a BA in Organizational Leadership as an adult learner, and while I don't make a huge salary, I am able to continue supporting my family.  For all of that, I am grateful.

If you have a friend or coworker in the service of providing administrative support, please thank him or her today!  It goes a long way and will make their day.  I promise.

*ETA:  They remembered me! 
At about 3 pm, they presented me with
a card and a gift certificate to a local spa.
 So nice to be appreciated.

mother of a boy

Be careful with your heart, they say.
A boy might break it someday.

Be cautious what you share, they say.
You may never get it back.

Boys are tricky and icky, they say.
Don’t ever get too close.

Unfortunately, these rules don’t hold true
when the BOY they’re talking about is a SON.

I gave my heart.
I shared it all.
I fell in love.

… but ...
something happened
I could not change,
and now,
a piece of me is missing.
I’ve been left with a broken heart,
shared all that I could possibly share,
and got closer than I dare admit.

The heartache hasn’t gotten any less,
maybe just less obvious on the outside.

Maybe someday…

he will understand,
know a mother’s love is endless, and
want a relationship with me… with his brothers.

I miss my boy.
He turns 20 today.
I miss him more than words can say.



Happy Birthday, Alek!

Love,
Mom xo

a musical weekend

The Calvary Lutheran Church "Where Are You Christmas?" concert was a huge success!

I had a wonderful time being IN the music this year and not watching it from a pew.  Although, I must admit, I was just a little jealous of those sitting in the audience being surrounded by such passionate & fulfilling music.  It is truly a different perspective to experience from either location.  I am hopeful there are other video recordings available soon to view as well.

Until then, I took liberty and put together a "behind the scenes" look at this year's concert.  Yes, from my point of view, and as much as I tried to sing quietly and be inconspicuous, you will hear my voice. 

in the eye of the beholder

fun with paint.

bright colors.

mother & daughter time.

creativity flowing.

 

what started out as a "follow me, do this" class

ended entirely differently

at least on our canvas.

 

it was a nice afternoon,

spent together,

wine & pannini,

with paint brush in hand.

Review of The Paint Pub:  This was a great way to spend an afternoon indoors.  We picked out the image we wanted to paint by scheduling this date on their calendar and securing our spots.  They also do corporate events (and seem to fill up their calendar quickly).  I purchased this as a {livingsocial deal} fun way to celebrate birthdays with my Mom.  I would highly recommend it to anyone who wanted a way to find the fun in creativity, or head out with a group of girlfriends or coworkers.  There was a Girl Scout troup in the house working toward a badge the day we were there.  They also serve wine, have a limited pannini menu, and a few temptations of chocolate.  In the front of the storey, they have a display of gift items (completely unrelated) if you're in a pinch for ideas and need a quick stop (jewelry, wine quips, napkins, magnets, etc.).  Give it a try!

How I spent my lunch hour(s)...

Tried out the salon 

AT

the office.

Fell in love with Cassandra.

Not just anyone can pull off this look!

Love my new hair.

Norah, Kara & Me

We started out with a bottle of chardonnay, onion rings {cuz we're classy like that} and some pasta at Rock Bottom Brewery.  The restaurant was directly across the street from the concert venue, so we had plenty of time to visit. 

Two girlfriends,
more like sisters,
bonded for life
catching up on gossip
enjoying a rare night out... 
without any boys! 

Kara and I went to see Norah last Sunday evening.  What a phenomenal voice!  Even in a larger theater, it seemed intimate, etheral and awe-inspiring!  The opening act was a pleasant surprise to us too!

Okay, I do have one little complaint but it has nothing to do with her or the opening act.  There was a single man who sat DIRECTLY in front of me.  No worries, right?  Move one way or another and you can see again (we were stage right).  Yeah, not so much.  This man was a bobble-head... and the WHOLE night he moved his head and/or his body back and forth and back and forth and...  yeah.  Grrrrrr.

Back to the music... I had never heard of of the opening act before that event, but was pleasantly surprised! Cory Chisel is an Americana folk artist who grew up in the Midwest. He is known around town as Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons, but he sang with a woman. I had to google to find her name... Adriel Harris. Beautiful songbird that plays the ivories, tamborine and sings alongside Cory. I would definitely consider a few of their songs for download. Check out some of their music online if you're looking for something new!

And then, along came Norah.  Quick intermission and stage change... beautifully suspended origami birds appeared above the set.  Twinkling lights and a band of about five others completed the ensemble.  Norah was absolutely incredible, and so worth the ticket price (and yes, another birthday present to me).  She sang both new and old songs (the haunting Miriam, Chasing Pirates) and the crowd sat mesmerized.

All musicians were on stage at one point, similar to this video, and it was vocally amazing!  The bass, keyboard, squeezbox, voices...  loved every single minute of it.  Norah ended the evening with two encore songs, and Come Away with Me, one of my all time favorites!  Definitely, a night to remember.

And I'm not sure, but I think the two-week long of birthday celebrations have finally ended... anything from this point forward I will lump into the beginning of anniversary celebration!

Thanks for joining me for another celebration, Kara!

a celebration

JP and I started celebrating our birthdays back on Thursday, September 20th.  We had dinner in the bar at Benihana and enjoyed some yummy food with our $30 email gift.  It's one of those treats we look forward to sharing together every year.  They even allowed us to use them both at the same time.  Since the boys aren't adventurous enough yet to try it (and we didn't have a reservation for the hibachi table), it was nice enough to try something different and eat in the bar.

Saturday evening, we celebrated with good friends, Lorraine & Steve.  JP made a pork loin and sides, Lorraine brought the most scrumptious chocolate cake!  Everyone is still raving about it (and yes, we still have a small piece left for JP's birthday tomorrow).  Thanks to the cooks!

On Sunday, while the boys were watching their football, my Mother came over and we went to get a facial by my friend Tami, who sells MaryKay.  It was a nice little getaway and the decibel level was much more tolerable for an hour or so.

thanks for LIFE, Mom!

By Monday morning, it was nice not to worry about going to work.  I started my day with a long overdue appointment for a mammogram.  I couldn't believe how busy the waiting room was at 8:00 am on a Monday?!  Guess I'm not the only one who wanted to get it out of the way early in the week.  Because I have been pregnant the better part of the last five years, I haven't gotten one since my baseline at 40.  I haven't received a phone call yet (and it's now Wednesday), so I'm assuming all is good and a piece of paper will show up in the mail with normal results.

Grabbed my free cuppa java from Caribou, and headed home.

With the kids in school, JP and I ran a few errands and had lunch at Granite City.  When he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said nothing, by the time we got home, I had changed my mind.  I told him I would really love it if we could take down the front tree.  Our beautiful Sugar Maple has begun dying a while ago, and each year it looks a little more sickly.  To my surprise, and probably because the weather was beautiful in the mid-70's, he agreed. squeeeee!  We then spent the better part of the afternoon sawing, chopping and hauling.  Not every girl's idea of a birthday present, right?  But I was elated to check this off the list.  And while it's not quite finished, we're much closer.  I am hopeful that it will be done in the coming weeks.  This doesn't mean that the "project" is finished, but that the branches are at least cut down and will not be staring back at me all winter.  The remaining trunk/stump will have a new purpose by next year...  you'll have to check back to see what will become of it.

our sad looking Sugar Maple

one last branch of color for Mister Chef

I got back to work on Tuesday and was greeted by a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Kara.  And home from work on Tuesday to another delivery of flowers all the way from Norway!

Another happy hour with my friend Ginny on Tuesday, and more celebrating continues throughout the week with JP's birthday on Thursday, and with friends Cheryl & Thad @ Surly coming up on Saturday! 

It's been a good week...  and we have so much to be thankful for...

A very big
thank you
to EVERYONE
who has made our week of celebration so wonderful!